Things I learned during our trip to Scranton

• No matter how much you convince yourself that a “red eye” flight won’t have an effect on you, don’t believe it. One can not really sleep on a plane. The seats don’t recline far enough to support a limp sleepy head so the head flops to and fro like a broken clock pendulum. We tried to head off this problem by bringing our U shaped neck pillows that make you look like you have whiplash. That helped a little but when I relax my mouth opens, and a little bit of drool slithers down my chin.

The other problem was that the man who sat next to me was across the aisle from his wife. He had some hearing problems so when his wife would speak he would reply with a loud sharp “HUHHH” that was so evasive I incorporated it into my dreams. It got so that his wife would automatically begin to repeat what she said before he even “Huhhed” her.

• Planes still scare me.

• I’ll never go to use the bathroom on a flight.

• My definition of turbulence is any time the plane shakes, makes a roaring noise, or the stewardess bumps my seat with her drink cart. My wife’s definition is that turbulence only occurs if the plane plunges downward or rockets upward 5,000 feet at a time. Compare it to a “roller coaster ride.” Roller coasters scare me.

• Roller coasters should be replaced by the flat, straight and safe “moving sidewalks” found in airports. The other thing I learned is that when I hold my hands high over my head on the moving walkway and scream people look at me funny.

• Don’t stop moving the day after a “red eye.” As soon as I sat down I would fall asleep.

• A piñata can be anything or shape as long as it has stuff to eat in it, hangs by a rope and someone says it’s a piñata. A piñata could be a stuffed pork roast, a glass jar or a cylinder shaped used oatmeal container. Take a guess at which one we took our swings at.

• Always keep your eye on a blindfolded four year old with a bat in her hand who is swinging wildly at a bobbing pork roast used as a piñata. I joke about the pork roast. I’m still picking out the glass shards. Very clever, Christina!

• If you arrive on “Sisters Day” you’d better bring gifts.

• Be careful where you sit in Jordan and Christina’s Toyota Corolla. Melted crayons in the seat can create rainbows on your back side.

• Little girls can spot a “spidey” or the smallest insect or anything similar from distances of 2 miles away.

• Jordan steals firewood,

• Jordan and Christina do a great “Celtic Thunder” impersonation. Please ask for a copy.

• When I go camping rain is guaranteed, sleep will not come, and someone will forget the syrup.

• Factory stores for chocolate should be on every street corner in the United States.

• Tortillas with peanut butter aren’t that bad.

• The messiest desk and office usually belongs to the house keeping manager.

• They say humidity is like stepping out of the shower. I say humidity is actually like being in the shower.

• You’ve got to see a movie in the new Cinemark theaters in Scranton. Plush seats, great view.

• Christina makes great dinners.

• Tyrone and Uniqua are cool.

• Scranton has a Mifflen street. No Dunder.

• Call Jordan and Christina often. It’s the only way they can find their phone.

• Indiana Jones would love to excavate beneath their couch cushions.

• When one is confused just say “Recalculating” over and over. It will help you get your bearings.

• Pennsylvania is beautiful. Small farms with colonial style farm houses.

• New York City isn’t so scary.

• The Statue of Liberty is statuesque.

• The Twin Towers were huge.

• The Empire State Building doesn’t look as tall as in the movies.

• The smells of New York combine to form a recipe of scents from sweaty people, garbage, food cooking from the street restaurants, and exhaust. Few breezes seem to reach the streets below the skyscraper canyons.

• There is an eon’s long war in the streets of New York between taxi drivers and pedestrians.

• Taxi drivers really do yell at other drivers/people, honk before they brake and seldom speak English.

• The grass in Central Park is worn out like a carpet in a highly trafficked hall way.

• Grandpa and granddaughter dates at McDonald’s for breakfast are priceless.

• Hayley can really chow down the pancakes. I wonder where she gets that ability from.

• You have to earn your hugs and kisses from Tia. But they are worth it.

• Philadelphia seems to be a beautiful city.

• A philly cheesesteak sandwich is only authentic if it has Velveeta, provolone or cheese whiz on it. Funny because I’ve never really considered any of those to be real cheese. Ours was from a hole in the wall diner and was gooey and delicious.

• The Liberty Bell really is cracked.

• It seemed a little odd to me that foreign vacationers wanted to visit Independence Hall, the Liberty Bell and other American heritage sites.

• Philadelphia Water Ice is very refreshing. Water Ice is a very unoriginal name for a Hawaiian Ice type of refreshment. I mean, what else is ice?

• I miss my granddaughters and their parents.