Senior Moments

Previously on Michael Park Bark: The lack of actual anniversary celebrations has eluded Jan and I. This year afforded us another unique opportunity to reflect on our 32 years of marriage.
My father recently turned 90 and all of his children were there to show their love for him. Because of the expense of the trip Jan and I decided that this trip would need to suffice for anniversary activities.
So we packed up our “newer” car, the one with 120,000 miles on it, and drove the 375 miles to Castro Valley, California. Dad lives in a retirement community, Baywood Court, where I believe residents need to be at least 70 years old in order to inhabit one of their bungalows. It’s been a great place for him. He’s built social networks, the food and dining room atmosphere are restaurant quality, and a maid comes in to make your bed, clean up your bathroom and leave fresh towels. I’ve asked Jan for the same type of service. The eye roll let me know where this would lead. So now I make the bed, clean the bathrooms and leave fresh towels for Jan to enjoy.
Baywood Court has a guest room that is cheaper to stay in than one of the hotels. Our last visit we stayed at a nearby hotel but for the money paid all we got were noisy drug dealers, screeching cars and the smell of garlic and curry. No, it wasn’t me.
So, we decided to again enjoy the confines of the guest room. Approaching the double front doors to Baywood I was tempted to press the button that automatically swings the doors wide so wheelchaired seniors could roll in. Or rather these days with battery powered chariots, drive in.
The first thing I noticed as we entered the lobby was a row of upholstered chairs where several women were sitting, watching people come and go through the front doors. It was disheartening to think these women were probably waiting for a loved one, who would never come, to whisk them away from this place and return them to their homes. I imagined that this comprised their whole empty lives; sitting, waiting, watching.

Walking by I gently placed my hand on the shoulder of one of the women and compassionately asked why they sat, and waited. She turned her wrinkled face and without a smile replied, “We’re waiting for Harold to come back from shopping. He’s so hunky, we just like to look at him.”
After checking in at the front desk we pressed the elevator button and waited for our ride to the third floor. I noticed all the residents wore name tags, complete with the Baywood logo, pinned to their shirts or blouses, or pajamas, or tank tops. Those from the outside world who choose to tarry awhile with loved ones were also asked to wear a name tag that identified them as visitors.
When the elevator doors opened a gentleman already in the elevator glanced at our tags and spritely welcomed us, “Hello visitors.”
I looked at his name tag and smartly said, “Good morning Jim.”
Jim twisted his shirt so he could see his tag then replied, “No, my name is Baywood.”
Later I was told that Jim, also known as Baywood, rode the elevator for most of the day.
The following is meant as a guide to living with old people. Hopefully we all will be old people someday.
Never try to pass two women with walkers side by side in a narrow hall. Some were in roller derby.
Don’t play pool with a hunched over gentleman named Sammy the Shark.
Stay away from the swimming pool during swimming time.
Don’t mistakenly leave the treadmill on high in the gym.
Never say, “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” if you trip over the chair and tumble to the floor.
Don’t think that every light in the place can be turned on by clapping.
Don’t try to break up a verbal battle between men arguing over who has had more surgeries, whose scars are longer or who can remember what they were arguing about in the first place.
If you eat a meal there be prepared to add your own sugar, salt and other spices.
Never jokingly try to take someone’s walker for a spin. They tackle hard.
Remember to always repeat yourself because whoever you’re talking to didn’t hear it the first time.
You can learn about people’s TV viewing habits by walking down the hall. Their TV’s are cranked up like CD listening teenagers in a convertible.
Never complain about odd smells.
Never, no matter how clever you think you are, tape the word “final” next to an exit sign.
Finally, here’s a list of words and terms that should never be used in a sentence at Baywood Court: Remember, older folks usually only hear part of your sentence.
“His license has expired.”
“She passed on having a second helping of dessert”
“Oh, she just went to the other side of the building”
“What! My credit card has been terminated?”
“The losing water polo team made a last gasp effort to score.”
“I’m on my last leg. I need to make an appointment to get another one.”
Lastly, take time to listen. That’s how you learn about admirals of navy’s, symphony violinists, doctors who have healed, trumpeters in famous big bands, and even about a great man who won the Idaho state championship in baton twirling.