Crazy Talk

I know when I was growing up there was a guy who wandered around town carrying on a conversation with the air. Not that he addressed the air as such, but there was no one else around when he spoke. Seems like we called him Crazy something or other. Not that we included “something or other” when we referred to him it’s just that I can’t recall what we called him, other than the Crazy part.

Throughout the years I’ve seen and heard a few other crazies; people who talk to themselves, out loud. They don’t whisper or mutter, I mean, it’s like they’re using a conversational tone in their voice. I can’t say I heard them asking questions then answering those inquiries, but again, there’s no one they’re addressing their voices to. Now, I don’t generally really listen to what they’re saying. When I come across someone talking to their imaginary friend I tend to avoid them. You know, like walk to the other side of the street, turn my head, don’t make eye contact, make the sign of the cross with my fingers… I realize the cross is to ward off vampires but I don’t want anyone to suck away my sanity.

These days I’ve noticed a notable increase in the number of those crazy chatterers, especially at places like Costco. For example today, I had parked the cart next to the vitamin shelves while Jan went to look for something. She tells me to stay put so I do, I don’t want to wander off somewhere because then I get into all sorts of trouble. So, I’m leaning against the shopping cart looking around when this woman comes walking down the aisle chatting away. There’s no one around her. She’s talking about not finding calcium tablets and swearing she saw them in this aisle the last time she was here. She didn’t realize I was standing in front of the calcium tablets, blocking them with my cart, but she was a crazy, and I wasn’t going to move or acknowledge I knew where these were. After all, she wasn’t talking to me…

She kept on talking so I went into my self taught avoidance skills. I turned my head and avoided eye contact. She was sounding more irritated so I took my hands out of my pockets and made the sign of the cross. She stopped, turned toward me and said, “Oh, you say the calcium tablets are in aisle “T”? Thank you.” And off she went, turning her conversation back to herself.

I realized after she left she was talking through her cell phone hands free device. I hate these things when people use them in public places. I had one woman stand next to me as I was pulling canned chicken off the shelf.
“What do you want on your pizza?” she asked.

I was a little puzzled, “well, I guess Canadian Bacon and pinapple is my first favorite.”

“OK, I’ll go pick one up.” she replied. “So when are you coming over?”

My self esteem did puff a bit when she said she was taking my pizza topping advice but the when are you coming over part threw me.

“I don’t know you. I’m not really comfortable coming over. Of course I’d bring my wife, but I do love pizza. Couldn’t we just eat outside?”

She started to walk away, “OK, I’m giving Mandy a bath then putting her down for a nap.” she responded. “She’s worn herself out.”

I started to quiver as I realized she wasn’t talking to me. I’d just been lured into one of “their” worlds.

I really feel sorry for those who suffer with schizophrenic conditions. But, with more people talking to themselves out loud more frequently it’s difficult to tell who actually is just talking on the phone or really is a bit on the crazy side. It’s even more difficult for me. I find myself walking across streets to avoid people more often, not looking anyone in the eye, and if one more police officer tries to take me in because I’m making the sign of the cross with my fingers at everyone, I swear, I’ll just go crazy.