The Wonderful World of Shady Maple

It sounded like a retirement home. A place I could go to relax in loosely strung hammocks that swing with a summer-like listlessness beneath the cool shade of broad leafed trees. I’d told Jordan I wanted to relax a bit during our visit in Delaware.  I thought this kid knows how to make a Dad’s vacation memorable.  When the trip to Shady Maple came up the granddaughters exploded in exuberant joy.

I was confused. “Wait, this is a retirement place right?” Why are these girls so excited? I asked.

“Shady Maple is the best breakfast on the planet!” Hayley shouted.

“The best in the world!” added Tia.

Turns out Shady Maple is a smorgasbord.  According to the girls it was the game of Candy Land, Willy Wonka, and IHOP all genetically fused together in a jubilant mass of flour, sugar, and fat. And, as a bonus, it’s located in the absolute middle of nowhere in the rolling hills of patchwork farmland in Pennsylvania. 

“Mom lets us eat whatever we want, as much as we want!” Hayley exulted as she fell backward onto the couch rubbing her stomach with her hand.

“And, it’s free!” Tia again added.

Turns out it’s not free. According to her dad Tia’s  so excited to go in and load her plate with sausage and ice cream she’s never seen her Dad pay the entry fee.

We got up early and drove the ninety minutes to the feeding.  Shady Maple Smorgasbord is in the middle of Amish territory. The people who live simple lives; no electricity, use hooks and pins instead of zippers and drive one horse powered buggies down the middle of  narrow county roads.  Why would these simple folk be involved in such an enterprise? It dawned on me that out west Indian tribes are authorized to build casinos on their lands. The government must have a similar deal with the Amish to build smorgasbords on their ancestral reservations.

As we got closer it looked like the last scene from “Field of Dreams” - the part where there are miles of cars backed up waiting to see the middle of the corn field baseball park.  Approaching Shady Maple there were cars, trucks, buses, Amish buggies, red Radio Flyer wagons, all backed up, looking for parking. 

This Costco supersized restaurant has a lobby rivaling elegant upscale hotels. There are at least six cashiers with queued lines of hungry people, each talking about what food they’ll fill their plates with first and how many trips to the food tables they’ll make before they keel over in binged induced cramps.  

We all separated once we were ushered to one of the hundreds of tables. Jordan to the grill for some M&M pancakes, Hayley to the donuts, Tia and Grandma to the sausage patties, Christina to the fruit, me- I went for the multiple interpretations of hash browns and bacon.  It was a breakfast eater’s dream. I had pancakes, French toast, waffles, sausage, cinnamon rolls, cereal, and several glasses of juice. Yes, I did throw in a few strawberries. My stomach began to inflate to unnatural proportions.  Occasionally I’d hear calls for help from my co-eaters for wheelbarrows, moving dollies, forklifts or cranes as they attempted to rise from their chairs.

People around us were amused as we took pictures of us acting like we had eaten ourselves sick.

Yes, Shady Maple was a glorious experience. In “the Field of Dreams” a long departed baseball player who came to toss the ball around with Kevin Costner asked, “Is this heaven?”

As I leaned back in my chair and rubbed my glutinous belly with my hands I asked the same question. Looking around the restaurant I realized that if heaven were Shady Maple Smorgasbord it would be filled primarily with hugely overweight angels with steel reinforced wings.

I have fond memories of Shady Maple. I brought home some souvenirs too. They’re the 3 pounds I gained that one warm summer morning in Pennsylvania.