St. Patrick’s Green Zone

St. Patrick's Day was better before. When kids woke up and rubbed their eyes in disbelief as green pancakes were stacked on their plates. Irish music played throughout the day. The tricolor Republic of Ireland flag draped across the dining room wall along with several linens. Dinner included roasted potatoes and trifle for dessert. The day often ended with the family following Dad around the living room with arms straight by our sides and doing our best imitation of Lord of the Dance. Those were good days.
Last week I didn’t want to dig the flags and linens out of the box. I remembered at dinner we hadn’t heard any Irish music so I put a CD in with traditional fiddle and pipes. The fiddles seemed to screech and each number sounded the same so I pushed the reject button. Jan and I settled down to spaghetti and a green salad. For dessert I found a chocolate fudge cookie hiding in the cupboard.
The only thing close to an Irish jig was when I caught my foot on the side of the couch and jumped around on one foot yelping in a non-Irish brogue.
I did dye the pancake batter green. At least I hope it was the batter I’d put the food coloring in and not the container that’s been in the back of the fridge since Christmas.
Speaking of green…when Jan and I visit Dad at Baywood Court he often introduces us to a few of his neighbors. Sometimes he’ll share a little about the person then do the introduction. An example:
“This is Marge Curtis. She taught school for 50 years in Oakland. Marge, this is my favorite child Greg and his beautiful wife Jan” (I may have included the word “favorite”…or I may not have)
Then there were some he didn’t really want us to meet. We were walking toward the elevator after breakfast when a short white haired man pushing a walker pulled up along side.
“I saw this movie, “The Green Zone" last night. It was awful what Bush did to this country, getting us involved in a stupid (my word, this is a clean language blog) war without any evidence.”
“Greg and Jan, this is Dr. White.” Dad said as he tried to steer us away. “He’s been here for several years””
“I think Bush should be impeached for what he’s done to this country!” Dr White defiantly yelled as our elevator door closed.
“He used to be the head of Eden Hospital,” Dad explained. “Nobody likes him.
“Dad?” I asked. “Does he realize Bush isn’t the President anymore? And, did he know “The Green Zone” is a fictional movie starring Matt Damon?”
Ah… Another day at Baywood.

Are you a "Walking Billboard?"

Jan bought a blue fleece Columbia jacket for me shortly before my birthday. It’s nice and snuggly. As I tried on the jacket I noticed small silver letters spelling out Columbia on the upper left breast.. At first I thought, “Well Columbia is a well known brand name. I can wear this fleece with pride. “

Then I started thinking. (This only happens sporadically). Why should I advertise Columbia when I wear this jacket? This marketing freeloading company should pay me to walk around exposing their logo to potential fleece buying customers.

Old Navy is notorious for this. The store sells t-shirts with “Old Navy’ emblazoned across the chest. People buy these because they believe Old Navy is cool.

These walking billboards don’t realize they are being used.

Not that I’ve done this but, I wonder if I walked to the cashier, with one of these tees in hand, and told her that I want this shirt free for walking the stores logo around town. In fact, the store should pay me to wear this.

I don’t know what the response would be but I’d be in the right.

I saw a news clip about a guy who puts on a different t-shirt with various logos each day and walks the streets of New York. He gets paid handsomely to do this.

Take a look at NASCAR drivers. (If anyone can tell me what NASCAR stands for please let me know) Sponsor logos cover the cars and jump suits of these drivers When drivers give interviews or make promotional appearances they wear the logo ensemble. I wonder what logos their houses, children, dogs or cats wear.

Why can’t I do the same? I traditionally wear slacks, dress shirt and tie to work. If I were to sell my personal space these are some of the sponsors I would hope to secure for various clothing parts:

Collar-Whisk

On the pocket-Hot Pockets

Down the left side of the shirt: Right Guard Deodorant

Down the right side: Applebee’s Ribs

Tie- Prego Spaghetti sauce since there’s usually tomato stains there already.

On my shirt sleeve I’d have Gold’s Gym on the right arm. Whenever I’d flex my mountainous bicep the logo would go 3D.

On the left sleeve would be a Robitussin imprint because when the nose runs and there’s no tissue…

Across my portly belly area: Firestone tires- when ever I sat down, the bulging spare tire, would make the logo go 3D

On the back of the shirt, Tyson Chicken would be imprinted vertically in yellow down my spine.

The seat of my pants: (this would be the largest logo) Depends

The bottom of my shoes would have a Wrigglies Gum logo, complete with squashed samples.

This leaves the pant legs open for suggestions.

So, the next time you put on those running shoes with the swoosh showing prominently, email the Nike marketing department and demand payment. All they can say is no, or get lost, or our lawyers are knocking at your door…