It sounded like a retirement home. A place I could go to
relax in loosely strung hammocks that swing with a summer-like listlessness beneath
the cool shade of broad leafed trees. I’d told Jordan I wanted to relax a bit
during our visit in Delaware. I thought
this kid knows how to make a Dad’s vacation memorable. When the trip to Shady Maple came up the
granddaughters exploded in exuberant joy.
I was confused. “Wait, this is a retirement place right?”
Why are these girls so excited? I asked.
“Shady Maple is the best breakfast on the planet!” Hayley
shouted.
“The best in the world!” added Tia.
Turns out Shady Maple is a smorgasbord. According to the girls it was the game of
Candy Land, Willy Wonka, and IHOP all genetically fused together in a jubilant mass
of flour, sugar, and fat. And, as a bonus, it’s located in the absolute middle
of nowhere in the rolling hills of patchwork farmland in Pennsylvania.
“Mom lets us eat whatever we want, as much as we want!”
Hayley exulted as she fell backward onto the couch rubbing her stomach with her
hand.
“And, it’s free!” Tia again added.
Turns out it’s not free. According to her dad Tia’s so excited to go in and load her plate with
sausage and ice cream she’s never seen her Dad pay the entry fee.
We got up early and drove the ninety minutes to the
feeding. Shady Maple Smorgasbord is in the
middle of Amish territory. The people who live simple lives; no electricity,
use hooks and pins instead of zippers and drive one horse powered buggies down
the middle of narrow county roads. Why would these simple folk be involved in
such an enterprise? It dawned on me that out west Indian tribes are authorized
to build casinos on their lands. The government must have a similar deal with
the Amish to build smorgasbords on their ancestral reservations.
As we got closer it looked like the last scene from “Field
of Dreams” - the part where there are miles of cars backed up waiting to see
the middle of the corn field baseball park.
Approaching Shady Maple there were cars, trucks, buses, Amish buggies,
red Radio Flyer wagons, all backed up, looking for parking.
This Costco supersized restaurant has a lobby rivaling
elegant upscale hotels. There are at least six cashiers with queued lines of
hungry people, each talking about what food they’ll fill their plates with
first and how many trips to the food tables they’ll make before they keel over
in binged induced cramps.
We all separated once we were ushered to one of the hundreds
of tables. Jordan to the grill for some M&M pancakes, Hayley to the donuts,
Tia and Grandma to the sausage patties, Christina to the fruit, me- I went for
the multiple interpretations of hash browns and bacon. It was a breakfast eater’s dream. I had
pancakes, French toast, waffles, sausage, cinnamon rolls, cereal, and several
glasses of juice. Yes, I did throw in a few strawberries. My stomach began to
inflate to unnatural proportions. Occasionally
I’d hear calls for help from my co-eaters for wheelbarrows, moving dollies, forklifts
or cranes as they attempted to rise from their chairs.
People around us were amused as we took pictures of us
acting like we had eaten ourselves sick.
Yes, Shady Maple was a glorious experience. In “the Field of
Dreams” a long departed baseball player who came to toss the ball around with
Kevin Costner asked, “Is this heaven?”
As I leaned back in my chair and rubbed my glutinous belly
with my hands I asked the same question. Looking around the restaurant I
realized that if heaven were Shady Maple Smorgasbord it would be filled
primarily with hugely overweight angels with steel reinforced wings.
I have fond memories of Shady Maple. I brought home some souvenirs
too. They’re the 3 pounds I gained that one warm summer morning in Pennsylvania.
